Have Them Respect Your No: A Personal Dating Story

Most important dating tip: make sure the person to are dating can respect your no! This is my first date/kiss story and dating tips I learned along the way!

When it came to romantic relationships, I was a stupid late bloomer.

As a disclaimer, this is gonna be a personal story. I’ve told you all some details in my life, but I think this one is going to be a little bit more so.

There were people I knew who had lost their virginity before I had my first hand-holding experience, and that’s a little bit of a weird to think about. But considering I hadn’t had my first kiss until I was 20, that’s not too far-fetched.

Yes, I said my first kiss was when I was 20. And today, I’m going to tell you about the kiss I waited 20 years for.

For some people, they have this magical first kiss.

The way they tell it, it’s like some sort of awakening of the senses. It’s an intense, romantic moment. They tell it with stars in their eyes.

For others, it was awkward. It was sloppy, weird, and sometimes unwanted. They think on their first kiss, and it wasn’t so magical. They recant the story, and they cringe.

That’s me right now. I’m cringing really hard, but I’m here to tell you a story. So I’ll stop stalling and tell you what happened.

My first job was in a mall-type setting.

I worked in a purse and jewelry store called Brighton. I’ll probably be telling you some very interesting stories about working in retail one day! But today is not that day.

He, as that is the only name that he will have, worked at a coffee shop a couple stores down from me. I had seen this guy through the glass windows of my store, and he looked cute. He wasn’t my type at all, but there was something about him that I really liked.

My advice: Don’t limit yourself to your “type”. Most people I know who are married aren’t married to the ideals they set out in their mind! Besides, it’s more fun that way. 🙂

He was friends with one of the people that I worked with at the time, and he would stop in periodically.

One time, after he left, I asked the lady I worked with: “Who is he and why haven’t you introduced me to him yet?!”

And one day after work, I sat at the crossroads.

If I went to my left, I would see this guy and get his number. I’ve always been very proactive with the things that I want!

If I went to my right, I would go straight to my car and go home. It was that simple, but I wonder how things would be if I didn’t turn left that day. I certainly wouldn’t be writing this post, I can tell you that much…

But as you can probably tell, I pulled a Donna Noble and turned left. (Look it up, you non-Whovians!) I was terrified and ecstatic at the same time as I approached the coffee counter.

“I’d ask you to go with me for a coffee, but you kind of work in a coffee shop, so…” I set the trap. With a smile, of course!

“Actually, there’s this coffee shop I’ve been wanting to try!” The bait was taken.

“Why don’t you give me your number so we can go sometime?” And I got his number.

My advice: Girls, you’ve got more power than you think when you’re confident! A very simple line, some confidence, and an alluring smile go a long way.

That’s when I started texting him and I basically didn’t stop for a week. He was so sweet; he bought me bubble tea and hung out with me on my lunch break once or twice during our stint. (You all know how much I love bubble tea!) I told him I wanted to go on a date with him, so he walked over to my store with the flimsiest excuse to be there to ask me in person.

I was a happy girl. Finally, I was going on my first date! It only took me 20 years…

So the day came, and my mom had a talk with me.

It went something like this: “Don’t kiss him on the first date, and don’t go into his house.”

Okay, solid but kind of obvious rules for someone you met barely a week ago.

I got a call from my big brother. The call went a little something like this:

“Hey, lil sis! I heard you’re going on a date! Just be careful, okay? And don’t let him kiss you on the first date! Wait until the second or third date. Just trust me on this one.”

“Okay…?”

 By the time it was time to leave for my date, I was all dolled up. I had gone the whole nine yards to look really pretty. Give me an excuse to dress up and I’ll be here.

We got dinner, which he wouldn’t let me pay for. We got ice cream, which he really didn’t want me to pay for but had no choice because I was the only one with cash!

My advice: Guys, if you really don’t want a woman to pay, or you just want to be prepared, just bring cash. It’s not going to get declined and is accepted everywhere!

We walked around for a bit, went to an antique shop and he bought me an old-timey Thermos for a “winter picnic”. It sounded romantic, but in hindsight, that sounds like an awful idea. My body doesn’t do well in the cold! Even so, I really like the old Thermoses that were made in Connecticut. Gotta rep my home state!

Who likes the cold anyway??

“Would it be too much if I bought you a pair of converses?” He asked me as we stood in Journeys. (#notasponsor)

“Yes!” I exclaimed. “I couldn’t accept it. It’s too much.” As much as I love my chucks, I couldn’t see someone dropping $50 like that on me on the first date.

We walked around the mall, holding hands. Was this the normal progression of events? I don’t know. That whole week moved by so quickly and I had no dating experience prior to this day.

But eventually, it was time to take him home.

My advice: Everyone, don’t carpool on the first date. This is for friends you are meeting for the first time too! If anything goes sour on the first date, you’re stuck in a car with them for as long as you or they get home. There were a few possible flags during the date, and I wished I had a getaway car for some of them!

Anyway, taking him home.

“Do you want to come inside for a bit?”

“No, I’m good, thanks. But I’ll get out and say goodbye.”

I got out of my car, and I gave him a hug goodbye. We had both already said a few times during the date that we didn’t want to kiss on the first date, so this was a really intense hug. I was going to make this one count.

“Why don’t you come inside?”

“Cuz, I want to stay right here.”

“Please? Come on…”

“No.”

“Come on, I’ll put on a timer.” He pulled out his phone. “10 minutes.”

“No, I don’t want to go inside.” I didn’t let go. I was so confused. This guy, who was an absolute gentleman all night, was trying to lure me into his house. I didn’t know what was going on, really.

But then I could feel his face pull away from mine, but his arms still were wrapped around me. I looked him in the eyes as he leaned in. My body declared mutiny on my mind and the next thing I know, his lips are on mine and it was not enjoyable. These are my thoughts, and I will never forget it:

“Okay, so this is my first kiss… I have no idea what I am doing. This is weird. And wet. Can he tell that I’ve never kissed anyone before? I do not like this. This is not what I imagined it would be like.”

I remember pulling away from his face and seeing all of the attraction I had for him just disappear. It was the weirdest feeling.

I even tried a second time. Still wet, still gross. Our hands fit together nicely but our lips surely didn’t.

Then, the worst thing since unsliced bread happened. 

His lips turned to my ear and something wet went in. 

Oh goi. His tongue is in my ear. His tongue, guys, straight up slobbered in my ear canal. I pulled away. I don’t know much about kissing at this point, but I knew that this is not what was supposed to happen.

“What are you doing??” I exclaimed.

It was time to leave. I let go, said goodbye, and drove away.

This was an experience! I felt violated to a small degree. Sure, I kind of wanted the kiss to happen, but not like that. I wanted this guy to be my first kiss, but I didn’t want it to happen that day, in a parking lot outside my date’s house. I waited 20 years, and for what? An unwanted kiss in probably the most unromantic setting.

As I sat at a stop light, I gargled with a little bit of water from my bottle, opened the door, and spit. I was disgusted. I couldn’t believe this happened.

When I went home and told my folks, they were just… sorry. There wasn’t much they could do or say anyway. They knew it wasn’t what I wanted to happen. They knew I had waited so long for the right moment, only for it to get botched up in the heat of the moment.

All the soapy Q-tips in the world couldn’t clean out the feeling in my ear. I let him know that I was home, but after that I didn’t text him for the rest of the night.

The next day, I texted him.

I knew what I had to do, and I was going to meet him in person to do it. After all, he had the decency to ask me on a date in person.

And I talked to him about pressuring me into his house.

“You know I’m an honorable guy,” he had told me. “There wasn’t going to be any bad stuff happening. I just wanted to get off of the side of the street and recap the date, talk about our favorite parts and all of that.” Sure.

“Really, I don’t know you though,” I said to him. “I have known you for all of a week, do you realize that? I didn’t know if that was going to happen or not. The big thing was, you didn’t respect my ‘no’. I told you multiple times I didn’t want to go inside, and still, you pushed me. How do I know that isn’t the only ‘no’ you are going to ignore?”

And I cut things off. It sucked, because I really did like him, even for that short time. I wanted to date him. But y’know, I didn’t/don’t need a boyfriend. I just liked the idea of having one.

But ladies, gents, everyone, here is my big takeaway: Have the person you are dating respect your no.

You don’t want to kiss on the first date? Fine. Don’t want to go inside? Okay. Don’t want to have sex, now or even that you’re waiting until marriage? Sounds good! But always, always express your boundaries. If you don’t want to do something, say no. A good date will respect your no.

And stick to your guns! Things would have ended a lot different for me if I didn’t end up giving in and kissing him. I would be telling a different story today, of how I meant what I said when I did not want this kiss to happen. it would have been a victory story.

Today, I tell you a partial victory story. A story of me putting my foot down because I could have been telling you a story far worse. Or maybe it was just that, an innocent retelling of the night. But who’s to know for certain?

So if you learn anything from my cringy first date/first kiss story, learn this: respect other’s boundaries, and have others respect yours. Because if he had respected mine, who knows? Maybe he would have still been in my life today.

Oh, and one last thing…

I never told him that this was my first kiss. So if we could keep this a secret between us, that would be awesome.

And if this ever reaches the person that this actually happened with, know that I don’t have any hard feelings or regrets. It happened, and I am okay with that! Just, if you’re single right now, don’t do that again. I hope you have learned your lesson.

What crazy date/ first kiss stories do you have? Leave them in the comments down below!

Cheers dears!

Gem

 

Founder and Writer for Food Drinks Life. Drop a line, say hi!

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